We’ve survived the River Rat Bandits. And who can forget the hilarity that was the Waddling Bandit? Which not-so-funnily led to a man being wrongly accused and held in jail (that check better be in the mail!).  But this fall, Oregon is facing dual bandit terrors.

First, there is Clackamas County’s Grandpa Bandit. Now, as far as crime monikers go, the Grandpa Bandit is a great one. Seriously, what jury wants to convict the Grandpa Bandit? No one wants to put ol’ Gramps in the slammer. In Portland, we have the Fantasia Bandit. Keep Portland weird, right? From fantasy video stores to banks, Fantasia makes all of your armed-robbery dreams come true.

It’s unfortunate to see that Brandon Mayfield lost his challenge to the Patriot Act based on standing. For non-lawyers, standing is a legal concept for whether or not you have the right to challenge a law by filing a lawsuit. I can’t believe that appellate judges truly believe that declaratory judgments don’t impact people or their families. Where’s the help, Ninth Circuit? Hopefully, Mayfield has enough financial backing to file an appeal. A .pdf of the ruling is here.

Remember: when the government arrests you and takes all of your stuff, make sure to get it back before you sign anything.